The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
