Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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