I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
