if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
