So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize