The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
