I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
there is glitter all over my balls
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
