The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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