the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize