i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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