fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
