A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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