Welp...herpes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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