Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
