Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
