Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
