just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
