Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
