in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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