don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
