you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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