it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
