So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
