you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
