do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
