We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
