Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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