I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize