Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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