that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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