Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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