that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
