I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
