What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
where are you?
Hypothermia
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
