and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
