you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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