the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is the high leading the old right now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
