holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
