I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
