So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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