Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
