we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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