She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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