My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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