Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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