if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Umm I'm too high to move.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
