Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize