Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
