I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize