Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wear drunk well.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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