I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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