Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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