do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
