Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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