just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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