forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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