dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
