i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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