You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
