That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And then he peed in my hair
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