no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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