I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
