If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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