I have demons in me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
