This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
