we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
